Recently, I was asked to speak at a Moms group about a topic of my choosing. I chose the Power of Intention – being intentional with our thoughts and the things placed in front of us (a blog post is coming soon about this subject). I had a great time speaking about something I’m very passionate about. After the meeting was over, I hugged the person who invited me to speak and asked her, “Was it good enough?”
It hit me on the way home. “WAS IT GOOD ENOUGH??” We all struggle with feelings of being good enough, no one is immune to this struggle – not even me. Isn’t that what most of us fear?!? Am I being enough to those around me? Being a good enough speaker, a good enough wife, a good enough mom, a good enough daughter!! Do I look good enough, am I pretty enough, am I skinny enough, do I have enough money. But here’s the thing …
WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH. What we do is enough, who we are is enough, what we give is enough.
My mind wanted to tell me I wasn’t good enough but I fought back and changed the narrative that I was speaking to myself.
We want validation, acceptance and love that what we’re doing is the right thing. The feeling of not being enough is rooted in those 3 feelings. We waste so much of our energy trying to get others to like, accept and validate us. Sometimes we push ourselves so far that we begin to play a game of charades with everyone because we want them to believe certain things about us. Playing this game wastes so much of ourselves because we then have to constantly keep up, constantly prove ourselves to everyone.
As I was thinking about this post, it hit me..
I’m not sure that you can even put a value to “enough” – what actually is enough? Do you know what it looks like when you get to “enough?” No, you don’t. Because when you get to the point that you think is enough…you want more, you push yourself to go further. Go ahead. Sit down, think about how much is enough. What does it look like to be a “good enough Mom” – can you quantify? Can you see it in your mind? Some might say that I have to be the perfect wife, perfect mom to feel like enough. Once again, I ask you, what does “perfect” look like to you? Can you see what that looks like?
When you think you get to that enough point, it won’t be enough. You’ll keep reaching for something that is unattainable. A millionaire always thinks they need another million. If you can’t define “enough” or even quantify it, it’s not a goal you can even have in your life.
It’s never enough. You have to decide that how you are and WHO you are right now, in this moment, is enough.
We often forget to see ourselves for the woman that we are. We are in a land of comparisons and no matter how many times I tell you to stop the comparison game, you still do it. Do you feel pressure from those around you to have kids, get married, make more money? If so, you’ve fallen into the enough trap. What if you’re single? They ask, “when are you getting married?” Then you get married, people begin to ask, “When are you having a baby?” See – it’s never enough. There’s always something else out there for you to reach after, and you put that stress and pressure on yourself to satisfy those around you. We continue to battle these societal pressures and the battle of being enough of everything begins!
Here are some suggestions to help you when you aren’t feeling like you are enough.
When you are feeling inadequate, you need more love. Allow others in your life to shower you with love and affection. Ask! Don’t forget to ask someone if you need to be shown love and compassion. You can’t expect people in your life to instinctively know what you need – you must tell them!
Leave Judgement at the Door
Judgement should have no place in your life. You do not know what anyone is dealing with behind closed doors, nor do they your struggles. You need to accept people as they are and let it all go. If you need love and acceptance, assume that others do too. No more judging.
Comparison Must Stop
I will drill this into your head until the day I die! You need to stop comparing yourself to those around or even the celebrities you see. No two women are the same. You can’t look at one and want to be like her or look like her. You are your own unique person who has been given this path to walk. And, here’s something to keep in mind – there is someone out there comparing themselves to YOU! Yup, another woman is sitting here, looking at you, thinking they want what you have!
If for some reason you can’t stop comparing, love others for what they have or what they look like. But, love EVERYTHING about them – don’t just love one thing. The key is to not let comparison make you feel bad about yourself. When you feel bad about who you are when looking at someone else or become jealous, then you have a problem. I look at women all the time and see their beauty, their power, their soul … and I celebrate them for those features, never comparing myself to them.
Never Stop Trying
Think Kerri Strug in the 1996 Olympic Games … YOU CAN DO IT! Imagine what would have happened if she said, “Nope, I’m finished. I can’t do it. ” But, she didn’t want to stop without at least trying. Whatever it is that makes you feel like you aren’t enough — don’t stop trying. Don’t give up on your journey – you have a long way to go. There’s always something to reach for, something new to try, a new way to communicate, etc. Keep saying to yourself, “I’m doing the best I can.”
In all your efforts, measure the small wins along the way. For example, if you are working towards a promotion, celebrate the little moments so that you can see how far you’ve come. If you feel like you aren’t a good enough mom, remember the first day you brought your baby home – it may have been chaos as you settled into a new life.
We don’t feel like we’re enough because we haven’t seen how far we’ve come. It’s time for you to stop and appreciate all you’ve done.
Hate Never Gets you Anywhere
Hating yourself for all the things you can’t do or failed to do is never the answer. Hate isn’t a proper motivator, love is. Love yourself for all that you have done, can do and will keep trying to do. I know it’s not easy. The change doesn’t happen overnight but don’t fall into hate. I wake up each morning and say, “Good Morning, Maura. You are beautiful. I love you.” It’s hard to hate yourself when someone loves you so much!
Celebrate Your Uniqueness
Have you realized yet that there’s only ONE YOU? Only you can live the life you are given because it’s uniquely yours. You have gifts and passion that others don’t, you can give love in a way others can’t, you can lift people up in ways special to you. You have so many things that are unique about yourself, and that uniqueness alone makes you enough.
It’s a Journey
How many right decisions have you made in your life? How many times have you made your children happy? How many trips have you shared with your spouse? The amazing things you’ve done far outweigh the times when you don’t feel like you are enough. Life is one wonderful journey. In each and every journey, there are good times and bad. Relish the beautiful journey you are on and the amazing people who are with you on the ride.
A Bird’s Eye View
Sometimes you need to take a step back and take a helicopter view of your life. Sit in a corner and watch your life happening. See the smiles on your children’s faces, watching your spouse laughing, think about all the things you love about your life. We get so overwhelmed with our responsibilities that we just have to stop and watch. See everything you’ve had a hand in creating, see everything you love, and feel the affection of all the people in your life.
Make a Choice
Simply put, you have a choice to make. 1 – Live your life thinking that you aren’t enough – trying to reach something that you can’t even picture. Never being able to reach something that you think is going to provide you with love and acceptance. Or, 2 – Decide right now that you are enough. You are doing the best you can. Only you can give what you give. You are unique and your journey is YOURS!
Listen up – who you are is enough, and what you give is enough!! You are so unique that only YOU can give it. And, you are providing something to the people around you that need it FROM YOU! Could I provide mom’s comfort to your child? Nope. Could I put up with your husband? Nope. Could I make dinner one time a week? Nope (I haven’t cooked in forever).
Do not be concerned with what others think of you. As long as YOU are doing your best, what someone thinks about you isn’t your problem; it’s theirs. Be your authentic self. Don’t conform to others expectations so that you will be liked and accepted. You do a disservice to yourself when you compromise who you are.
Imagine what your mind can focus on when you just accept that you are enough. Imagine the release of stress, release of pressure, and being fully present in every aspect of your life. This is what will happen when you decide you are enough.
YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH. YOU ARE YOU! That’s all that matters.
If you’d like more encouragement, you can join my private Facebook Self Love Community!