I see all the posts, gushing about your significant other.  I’ve done it too.  I used to see those posts and think they are sweet, and it was great to see love so freely exposed on Facebook.  When I began dating the man I now call my husband, I was active on Facebook and expecting to see all these posts about how much he loved me.  I mean, I had waited a long time for a man like him.  Someone so kind, gracious, giving, caring, patient and loving.  I wondered why he wasn’t posting such things on Facebook.

He told me he loved me, but he wasn’t telling the world.  I thought, “Oh well, that’s just him.”

It didn’t bother me much, just wanted to see him proclaim is love for me.

Daily – even 6 years into our marriage – he proclaims his love for me….TO MY FACE!  That’s so much better than seeing it on Facebook, in a world that can be so fake and made up.  You only see the good parts of people online, you don’t see what it’s like behind the doors.  And, I’d much rather have someone who treats me like a queen every day than sit on Facebook and tell people he hardly knows how much he loves me.  Which one is more real?  That’s a rhetorical question.

Since January of 2017, I had been dealing with some debilitating nerve pain caused from a herniated disc in my lower back.  It got increasingly worse as the days passed.  I went thru countless treatments with the chiropractor, did some physical therapy, tried chirotherapy, acupuncture, medical massages, and steroid injections into my back.  Everything.  All these changes in and out.  Endless appointments, agonizing pain that resulted in cries and threats, not being able to cook, clean or focus, not being able to be active.  But…

The one constant thru all this…Tony!

At one of the lowest points before my back surgery, I woke up at 3 AM and had to go to the bathroom. As I was sitting on the toilet, shooting pain began at my butt all the way down to my foot.  It was intense.  So intense that it brought me to my knees, mid pee.  Yup, there I was on the bathroom floor mid stream because I couldn’t stand the pain.  (It was BADDDD)  I was yelling and screaming from the floor, Tony hears me, says he’s coming to the bathroom.  I scream, “NOOO, I don’t want you to see me like this.” He said, “Too bad I’m coming in anyway.”

I can only imagine what he saw when he walked in.  But, he didn’t hesitate.  He got some paper towels and started cleaning me up.  I was in tears – first from the pain but mostly from him seeing me in such a state.  I kept saying, “I don’t want you to see me like this.” This man – this kind, sweet and incredibly sensitive man – got down on the floor in front of me, put my face in his hands and said, “Maura, this is what love is.”

Queue more tears…but this time it was because I realized the depth of his love.  As crazy as it was (him cleaning me off and helping me back to bed), he showed me a whole new level of love.  Love I didn’t know was possible.  A partnership I didn’t realize we had until that moment.  I have always been the strong one in the relationship as we deal with Tony’s depression.  But, the tables had turned and he was the strength I needed.

So when looking to define love….

Love is when he feels your pain.  Love is the agony that he can’t take it away.  Love is the patience to deal with someone who isn’t living a life.

Love isn’t defined by fancy and gushing Facebook posts….it’s laying on the bathroom floor with you.

Love is someone you can be your raw real self with, they see you for everything you are and they love you.

Love is never trying to change who you are.

Love is acceptance of all the crazy and insane things that make you the person you are.

This whole situation showed me the countless ways he shows me love.  So, I say to everyone looking for a partner, don’t look for the spark, don’t expect sappy posts on Fakebook, don’t be wooed by fancy presents.  Find the person that’s going to help you off the floor, in your worst moments, and still look at you and tell them you love them.

Thanks Tony for showing me love in so many ways!