Megan and I have shared so much together since her first session with me a few years ago.  She’s an amazing woman who has inspired me on a daily basis.  Through many tears and smiles we’ve grown closer as life has thrown it’s challenges our way.  I admire her outlook on life, the way she wants to help others, and the fortitude and tenacity I see in her.  Boudoir brought us together, but a deeper connection keeps our friendship going.  When Megan came over for the pre-group shoot meeting, she shared with everyone what was going on in her life.  After everyone left, she stayed for over an hour and we just cried together.  I listened to her, told her that what she was feeling is valid, and let her know that I was always here for her.  And, that’s true for most people in my life – I want to be the person you can count on to always listen to you!

Here’s what she had to say about the group shoot:

I got engaged to someone I’d been with for 3 years, we were engaged for a year approaching the wedding & being together for 4 years. We had a house together, the stresses of planning a wedding, other expenses & not being liked by his immediate family took a toll on our relationship. 6 weeks before the wedding, he called the whole thing off. Of course not before his mother called me every name under the sun, a manipulator, a bitch, whore, that her son had never been happy & she was so glad he finally stood up for himself to kick my ass to the curb.. you name it, it was said to me, all while her son sat there letting her say all the nasty things to me.

Fast forward 6 months, when I finally felt like I was getting my life back on track, dating again, started renting my townhouse, he reaches back out to me to talk. Saying calling off the wedding & breaking up with me was the worse mistake he made. He tried moving on, but was miserable without me, can he have a second chance. When you picture yourself marrying someone, it’s hard not to continue to have that picture in your head & feelings in your heart. I agreed to giving him a second chance, but really wanted him & I to work on things. Fast forward another 6 months & he again, out of the blue says we should go separate ways. True blessing in disguise, as if the first time wasn’t, as hard as it maybe to see it that way sometimes.

I poured myself into my job & family. Started traveling for work, until I got the horrible news that my mom had throat & tongue cancer. She had surgery a year ago to remove 2/3 of her tongue & the mass in her throat. She made it through surgery, she had a tracheotomy & was given a feeding tube, until she could regain strength in her throat & tongue. Seeing my mom go through surgery was hard enough, then came radiation daily & chemo every Tuesday. I took her every morning January-end of February for radiation, then went to work for the day, followed by taking care of her at night while my dad was at work. It was a rough couple of months to say the least. She made it through treatments, for her trachea taken out, she was so strong!! She was in remission, finally felt like her battle was won!! Felt like we were on the upswing, she was speaking again, getting out of the house, felt like I was starting to have my pre-surgery mom again.

Then came a routine follow up doctors appointment, in April, doctor felt a mass on the opposite side of her throat. Scheduled a scan, scan showed masses in the opposite side of her throat as well as now in her hip. Cancer again. We made a plan for treatment, June 8th she was scheduled for a different, strong type of chemo. From mid April to June I could see it starting to weaken her. During this diagnosis time, I again had started to travel for work. Which I felt so guilty for, she assured me it was fine, to not feel guilty. June 4th, I left Pittsburgh to drive to Mooresville, NC. By the time I got there, 6.5 hours, I found out that routine bloodwork had shown that some levels were out of wack, she was asked to come into the hospital for some injections & overnight observation. Felt horrible for leaving, but also knew she was in the right place, she’d be safe in the hospital. Texted her that night checking in with her, she told me she was fine, not to worry & she loves me & she’d see me Friday. That night, 11:45 pm, she went into cardiac arrest. She was without oxygen for 12 minutes.

I got the phone call Tuesday, to figure out how to get home, my work was amazing they arranged my flight, took me to the airport & got me home ASAP. Again seeing my mom in the ICU, this time unresponsive, on a ventilator, was devastating. Doctors had continued to run tests for brain activity & to see if the seizures from the 12 minutes without oxygen had caused. Three days spent in the hospital ICU, no improvement still no activity, still having seizures, still unresponsive. We knew there was a decision to be made. She passed, June 8th. Hardest decision ever. It sucked & still sucks now.

I wanted to share what “Souls on Fire” means to me.

I’m burning past relationships. I am worthy. I am beautiful. I am blemished & I am stubborn, but I am ME! I am strong. I am single. I deserve the best. It’s time for ME to finally come first!!

After almost a year of watching my hero & mentor, my mom, battle, suffer & loose her fight with cancer, I am burning the regret & sorrow over the lost time, remembering more of the better times. In addition, getting rid of the helplessness feeling that cancer makes all feel, knowing that unlike her, when I was sick, I couldn’t take away or heal her sickness. However in dealing with this, I know I am strong. I am courageous. I am my mother’s daughter. I am unstoppable. I am Megan Marie Baker!!