It doesn’t matter how it looks, it matters how it makes you feel.

I was standing in my bathroom a few weeks ago getting ready to head out to a family function. I had my black bra on with my tights. I can’t wear clothes while doing my hair and makeup for fear of the back sweats that inevitably pop up when I’m putting myself together.

As I was curling my hair, I recognized this feeling that has been becoming familiar. I felt so good and sexy…..In a bra and tights.

That feeling overwhelmed me and I began moving and grooving around the house. Damn. I felt good.

It didn’t matter how it looked because it made me feel something.
A feeling I relish in, a feeling I welcome, a feeling I don’t judge or criticize.

I did decide to look in the mirror, don’t we always. Does it look as good as it feels, so I mirror checked. Guess what. How it looked didn’t matter. I realized standing there that I didn’t care whether it looked good to even me, let alone someone else. Those tights and bra made me feel empowered, unstoppable and unbelievably sexy.
THAT’S what I was wearing.
I was wearing all those good vibes and feelings, and it felt damn good.

I encourage you to focus on the feeling, not the look!
Wear something that makes you feel good.
Walk out the door with those feelings on display.
When you do, you will be unstoppable!

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You’ve heard me mention negative core beliefs a lot in my writings.  This is something I work heavily on with both myself and my clients.  

These beliefs about yourself are created through negative and hurtful experiences, from the most minor to the majorly significant.  All the events you live through in life have the potential to build these beliefs.

Your trauma and pain – it creates beliefs about yourself.

Your depression and anger – it creates beliefs about yourself.

Your family and friend relationships – it creates beliefs about yourself.  

Without even noticing, those beliefs become truths that you accept as fact about yourself.  Yes, you believe them as truth but they are far from it.  They are based in the false messages that your inner critic sends to you about how bad and unworthy you are.  

You have to put forth the effort to first recognize these beliefs, identify some of the roots on where they developed, and begin to put some loving truth to them in order to see the reality of situations.

You essentially work to disprove these negative beliefs.

This is a critical step to quieting the hurtful inner voice, and you learn to trust your inner wisdom to help you see the truth of each and every situation.  I have a whole section about this in my confidence course.

While most women have similar negative beliefs such as I am not enough, I am unworthy, I am a failure, there are some beliefs that are very specific to you and your lived experiences.  

These are beliefs that you don’t often vocalized to others – it eats away at you internally, fearing judgement if you ever verbalize such things.  

It’s extremely isolating, and it’s a lonely place to operate from.

Why am I sharing this with you.  Well, a negative belief of mine has been rearing its ugly head over the past few months.  

One of my negative beliefs (yes, one, because you have many … many you don’t even know you have without the proper reflection) is that PEOPLE ONLY LIKE ME FOR WHAT I CAN DO FOR THEM!  

This belief leads me to think that others are always out for themselves and will throw me to the curb the second they have a chance to. 

That they will take advantage of my kindness.

That they will use our relationship to get what they want for themselves.

They will ultimately want to push me down so they can elevate themselves.

And well, they feel it’s OK to hurt me, my feelings and will blatantly disrespect me.

This belief dictates how I feel the world perceives me, it dictates my relationships, it defines who I am … and not in a good way.

And everything that happens in my relationships simply proves this untruth to myself.  My inner critic will say to me, “See, Maura.  There it is.  Remember, they only like you because they can get something from you.  Told you so.”  

Yup, it’s the little nag inside that says “TOLD YOU SO” after anything negative happens to me.  It hurts, deeply.  

I have to work, because let’s face it – nothing gets better in life without work, to understand what is happening with my thoughts while it is happening, take an eagle eye look at what transpired and choose a new story to tell myself.  A story that has loving truth to it – love for myself, compassionate love for others, just love.  It’s really hard to do because I feel so beat down, but I try.  I can recognize when this happens, and while I may hurt for awhile, I will eventually be able to come around and see what transpired.

I can see what my thoughts did.

I can understand that old belief that exists in my life.

I know it’s root, I know it’s trigger.

I can tell myself that it no longer serves me.

I can begin to change the dialogue with myself.  

I can build the foundation for a new belief.

And I can finally start to live a life built on that positive, encouraging and powerful belief.

That’s what I want to believe.  

I want to live in that truth, not the falsehood I have created for myself.  

I encourage you to challenge your thoughts, identify the falsehoods that hold you back, think about whether there is any basis for truth in them, and work to build your beliefs about yourself with a loving truth that is unmovable!  

You are worthy.

You are lovable.

You are enough.

3 truths that serve me, and you too!

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(Let me be clear: I love my job and am so fulfilled by helping women feel good from the inside out. This is vulnerability sharing this belief that I have been carrying with me since childhood….)