Pittsburgh Boudoir Photography that empowers YOU to love yourself!

March 22, 2018

Think No More

Get ready to look at the most photos I’ve ever shared on a blog post. Usually I’m pretty good at picking out a few photos from each session to share with you, but this one – I just couldn’t hold back! I can’t explain to you how amazing this woman is to those around her, even me! I told her numerous times that she was so inspiring to me, and that we created ART! She saw the art in everything I was doing, and was so blown away every step of the way!

I love clients that can see the art in what I do. I feel like each and every client is a work of art. And, my photographs showcase that beautiful, amazing and WONDERFUL art!

She has messaged me countless times to tell me how fabulous this entire process was for her. And, we made an agreement – she has to come back every year! I would have her in front of my camera constantly. She’s a “girl’s girl” – she’s so positive, uplifting and encouraging. She gave me a boost that I needed in my creativity and I’m so appreciative and thankful for you! The rest of this post I’ll leave to her – she gave me some quick feedback about her session that I’m sharing here!

And now, onto this beauty:

1) Why did you decide to invest in a boudoir photo shoot? I thought it would be a special surprise birthday gift for my husband.

2) How did you feel about yourself before your photo shoot? Somewhat self-conscious about my body & face.

3) How did you feel about yourself after your photo shoot? I felt like a supermodel!

4) Describe your session in 3 words? Uplifting, empowering & fun

5) What was your favorite part of the boudoir photo shoot? Maura’s energy

6) What would you say to other women who are considering a boudoir photo shoot? Think no more. Book it! It will be life-changing!

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March 15, 2018

Liberating

What’s your reason? What’s the reason YOU want to get photographed? Is it for you? For someone else?

Guess what – it doesn’t matter WHAT your reason is to push you to do a boudoir session. I’m going to knock your socks off regardless of that, because at the end of the day the experience I give to my clients matters most to me. A lot of my clients come in because they need a gift for someone, but they weren’t prepared that the session was a gift to themselves! And, that’s probably why I have so many clients that come back over and over again for sessions. They’ve realized that the shoot is something they need to embrace and release all the negative things they are dealing with! Have I mentioned lately that I LOVE MY JOB!!! haha – Nope, you’ve probably never heard that before! 🙂

Today’s beauty. Gosh, I don’t have words. From the start of her session I knew it was something special – SHE was something special! I love her spirit, her personality, her uniqueness, and those never-ending CURVESSSSS! 🙂 Read what she had to say about her session:

1) Why did you decide to invest in a boudoir photo shoot? I’ve been in need of a confidence booster. It’s something I wanted to try in general.

2) How did you feel about yourself before your photo shoot? I know I have a great body shape but I also get very self conscious as I was labeled the “ugly friend” in grade school. I was looking forward to this to kinda bring it into the universe through pictures that MaRissa Boros is hot as hell!

3) How did you feel about yourself after your photo shoot? MaRissa Boros is hot as hell haha But seriously I felt rejuvenated and happy!

4) Describe your session in 3 words? Inspiring Sexy Liberating

5) What was your favorite part of the boudoir photo shoot? Just doing something for me. I’m always going out of my way for others and putting my needs on hold. I enjoyed being the center of attention and showcasing my sexuality and curves.

6) What would you say to other women who are considering a boudoir photo shoot? Do it for you, do it for fun, whatever reason you have do it because it’s worth it.

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March 12, 2018

Why Don’t You Have Children?

As I approach a significant birthday in a few weeks, I’m beginning to reflect on the journey my life has been through and make peace with what I have, but more importantly, what I don’t have. Listen, I LOVE my life – I LOVE who I am. I’ve got this amazing job that I’m so passionate about, I give everything to my clients, my family and friends, I have a wonderful husband, but something BIG is missing.

Every month, part of my self care routine is to get a reiki massage. I was skeptical of this practice but when I first tried it, it was amazing. It’s all about energies and reading your body’s flow. Your massage therapist can tell you things about yourself that you haven’t openly expressed. Strange but true. I like to think that God is speaking through my massage therapist. During my most recent massage with Laurie, she sensed a lot of sadness in me. While she was over my heart chakra (don’t ask me what that actually means because I’m clueless), she was getting the words “MOM” and “SAD” — hearing that a lot. And when she would look at me it would look like I was ready to cry, though I was completely relaxed and enjoying the massage. When she shared all this with me after the message, she said, “I feel like you have some really deep unresolved issues with your mom that you need to address.” I took a second to think about it – because though she’s getting the words from God, it’s my job to interpret them. I realized then that the sadness she was sensing and the word mom were coming from the fact that I AM NOT A MOM. Not that I had issues with my mom, but rather that I was so sad that I don’t have children. Laurie asked me to deal with this because my energy can’t flow in my body. So, instead of writing all this in my journal (God knows my hand would be in pain writing all of this) I’m taking it to my blog. I’m sure the that my story isn’t unique, and hopefully my vulnerability here can help someone else. Many women struggle with this – I’ve seen it in my clients. Letting this out is part of my own self-love journey. So buckle up, as I deal with something that’s been weighing on me heavily for a few years.

Every time I start to think about not being a mom at this point in my life, a lump hits my throat. I know that if I let it out I’m going to cry, get angry then the deep sadness comes. This sadness permeates my life – I don’t talk much, I sit alone, I don’t laugh. So, instead of letting it all out and dealing with these feelings, I swallow that lump. In reality that’s not doing me any good. I have to come face to face with the sadness, disappointment, resentment and hurt I feel. I somehow feel like I’m mourning the life I thought I’d have at this point. No physical death has occurred but an emotional death has happened, and I can no longer run and hide from my grief.

Yes, grief. That’s a strong word, but hear me out a little. I always wanted to be a mother. When I was younger, I wanted like 10 kids (Yes, I realize how unrealistic this is). I thought during college I’d meet the love of my life, get married and have babies. That’s what I envisioned for my life. I’ve always loved children and felt like I have so much love to give as a mother. That deep down, my heart could love a child like no one else. A tiny human, as big as that responsibility was, I knew I could raise a child with all the love I have in my heart. Well, I did not meet the love of my life in college, I waited another 11 years to get married to the most amazing man I know.

When I met Tony, I was very clear about my intentions about being a mom. I told him at the start that if he didn’t want kids that this relationship wasn’t going anywhere. I knew what I wanted and I didn’t want to waste my time on someone that didn’t share the same goal as me. He agreed with the children thing and our relationship blossomed into marriage. Then, for the first time since we’d been together, Tony’s depression resurfaced. And, to be honest, I don’t think it’s ever really gone away. He suffers from true clinical depression where something just shuts off in him. He’s an amazing man – so loving, caring and supportive – he takes care of me and is a very patient man. But, the depression causes him to struggle with planning for the future and getting scared of what life would be like with a child.

So, I waited and waited…..and waited for his depression to get better. It hasn’t. I began to realize about 4 years into our marriage that having children may not be something that’s in the cards for me. Maybe I’d been projecting this love of having a child to over compensate for something else that was lacking in my life. This is when I began praying heavily. Asking God to change MY HEART. That if kids weren’t in the plan for me that he start to fix me. Turn me away from these feelings, help me find another path. That’s a hard thing to pray. Something you’ve wanted your ENTIRE life and you now want to change that. Oh, God. Fix me. Change me so that I’m comfortable not being a mother. Because, the fact was, I wasn’t comfortable.

Now, don’t go thinking that I wasn’t happy for friends and family who were having babies! I was through the moon happy for them. I can still celebrate them and have my feelings about it. It doesn’t hold me back from taking maternity photos, going to baby showers, photographing births, etc. It’s hard for me to do these things, but I do them anyway. I know how excited they feel to celebrate this time in their life and it’s my honor to participate in all these wonderful events. I can still be happy for them even though I feel sadness in me.

Last year, I was babysitting my young niece. I so enjoy spending time with her – her laugh makes me smile; her smile makes me laugh. She’s the cutest. As I was watching her, I just found myself starting to cry. I wish I had my own precious babe to hold, to laugh with, to cry with, to love and cherish. I love my nieces and nephews like they are my own, but I wanted that motherly love I’d been so longing for. I’m sure if my niece could talk, she’d thought I was crazy for sobbing like a child in front of her while she’s having fun on her play mat looking into the mirror. I just longed for this feeling, and I kept think to myself (as much as I don’t want to admit this), “when is it my turn?”

When do I get this experience, why can’t I have a baby, why does it seem like it’s everyone else but me, what’s so wrong with me that I can’t be a mom?

Also, who’s going to take care of me when I’m older (half joking here…I always have to infuse my humor into deep moments).

And, all of those questions are not asked with anger. They are said with an honest questioning of when is it my time, is this going to happen for me. I don’t look at friends of mine with disgust because they have what I don’t, I look at them with love, kindness and a desire to help them celebrate themselves. I’ve had people with this same struggle say negative things when they see friends announce their pregnancy – that’s not me. In the midst of my pain, I can still be happy for others. The sadness I feel doesn’t prevent me from still being happy for them. Because, truthfully, I am glad that they aren’t struggling the way I am – that’s something I want to celebrate. They’ve received what I long for, they begin a new journey, and I’m excited to watch that family grow.

The feelings still linger inside my head…daily. I can’t shut it off. It’s an innate desire within me, because I feel like I have love to give as a mother. When you feel so strongly about something, it’s not a quick fix to turn it off. It’s a daily struggle to deal with what you’re feeling so that you don’t have to continue to swallow everything when it surfaces. Those feelings though…..they are hard to deal with.

Sadness

Deep and utter sadness that I feel almost daily. I know that I’m blessed with the life I have (a loving husband, a thriving business, a supportive family, a cute kitty, etc) but something is missing. Something so big that you can’t ignore it. Every time I think about the missing piece, deep sadness sets it. I fight that sadness daily. I am still a happy and loving person, and I smile most of the day because my life is filled with passion (that’s my marker of success) – I’m genuinely happy and positive. The sadness is deep down and it doesn’t usually come out, it’s there tugging at me and I want to shut it off.

Resentment

Resentment … at who? God, my husband…ME! I resent that I didn’t make this a priority early on in life. I was focused on building my corporate career, which I successfully did. Then, I was focused on building my own business. I resent myself for not doing something I knew to be important to me. I pushed it aside because I thought that I should be working a career.

Disappointment & Hurt

The disappointment I feel has me questioning a lot of choices I’ve made. I’m disappointed mostly in myself. That I couldn’t make this happen. People will tell me that there are multiple ways to have a child. But, FOR ME, that connection has to be made with me and my husband.

Shame

“Why don’t you have children?” That question brings about immediate shame. Like, something is wrong with me because I don’t have kids. I know it’s an innocent question, and I don’t mind answering it truthfully, but I feel shame that I am not having a baby. I don’t think people who ask this question realize the struggle that happens behind doors because it’s something we don’t talk about openly. I think that needs to change. It’s a secret stigma that we can’t seem to break free from. Yes, I want children. No, I’m not having them. No, I’m not attempting in vitro. No, I don’t want to adopt. Yes, I feel sad and disappointed. Before you ask someone questions around children, please remember that they are fighting an internal battle you know nothing about.

My heart is broken because of the loss of what I thought I’d have. How do you heal from this pain? How do you come to terms with something so big? How do you cope with a life you lost?

I continue to ask God to help me be at peace for not having a child. That I find other avenues to give my love. And, well, I guess I have. My clients mean the world to me and I give them every ounce of love and energy I have within me. I hope to continue to channel that love I so desperately want to give to a child to another worthy individual in my life. While the pain doesn’t go away, I can continue to love others with all the energy I can muster, because trading one love for another is all I can do.

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Photos by Amanda Brisco Photography

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gabe puskarich - I suffer from depression and anxiety disorder I love kids but raisin them scares the crap out of meReplyCancel
Nicole Rogers - I am in tears reading this. Maura I 100% relate to you. My husband and I have been trying for 5 years and have had one miscarriage in that time. That lose was so great to me I thought I would never heal. People have no idea what the question why dont you have kids yet hurts. They have no idea the monthy struggle to see a negative test month after month. I understand the hurt and ache in your heart for a child. If you ever want to talk.. I would love it.ReplyCancel
Kim - Maura,
You need to give yourself permission to grieve.
Grief is an odd, transforative animal. The journey is ALWAYS very personal and it ALWAYS sucks. There is no right or wrong way. There is no map, no directions, and what has worked in the past may not ever work again. The ONLY goal is to get through without unpacking and living there. AND the lessons, Dear God the lessons are poignant and permanent.
You have lost a dream. You have lost a life. You have lost a child. You have lost all the hopes, fears, wonder, promise and expectation. IT IS OKAY TO GRIEVE THAT LOSS. The only way out of your grief, is through. In order to get through you have to let yourself feel all of those feelings,
WITHOUT guilt.
WITHOUT feeling like you have to justify yourself or feelings to anyone ESPECIALLY YOURSELF! Your feelings are the only thing you truly own. They are the onlt thing that can never be taken away from you. You will be tempted to tell yourself that you shouldn’t feel this way or that way – D O N ‘T. When the feelings come, allow them, invite them, get to know them, MAKE FRIENDS WITH THEM. Only then will you be able to work THROUGH them. Only then will you be able to make peace with them, bless them and thank them for the lesson they brought you and then, release them, send them on their way.
As a mother I have felt: sadness, resentment, disappointment, hurt, shame both toward myself AND my children. I’ve also had very strong feels toward my husbandS (I am on #3) and the women without children and the fucking mom’s who have their shit together and make it look EASY. As a mom you want to love, teach, nurture and support your child. You want to help them be TRULY happy (and hopefully productive members of society). I know you see how the love, energy, nurturing and support that you give your clients helps them learn to love and accept themselves, but do you realize that the impact you make in the lives of your clients goes much deeper than that of any mother. You may not have a tiny human to mother but you have provided a mothers love to your clients – an army of beautiful, powerful, unstoppable WOMEN. These women take what you have given them, out into the world and they give it to others, like the ripples in the water when you toss a stone.
So……… GRIEVE, MOURN, LEARN and GROW.
You have an army waiting.ReplyCancel
A - You hit a raw nerve on this one…every feeling you have is my experience as well…I have attempted peace with this situation but every time I hold a baby (which is alot because I love all babies).. I hear you are a natural why dont you have kids…sometimes I answer honestly which is meant to hurt the person asking…I can’t have kids, it’s not in the cards for me…then there are days I feel blessed for reasons such as I’m an amazing aunt to my niece as well as my friends kids. I also get furious at woman that complain about pregnancy…You are blessed with a true miracle…I would give my right arm to feel those aches and pains…to get up from sleep every two hours to pee…so to all pregnant woman remember those inconviences that you are feeling now will blossom into the most amazing love anyone can ever received or give.ReplyCancel
Jennifer leis - Thank you for sharing this. I went through a similar struggle while trying to get pregnant. It wasn’t easy and it was hard for me to see pregnancy announcements and such. Mist women don’t like to talk about their struggles with fertility or even being ready to be a parent. Chuck said I was aweful to live with because I was always on this emotional roller coaster. Every month I’d be so hopeful and then I’d get angry and sad. It kept going.
We luckily got pregnant with the help of a fertility doctor and were blessed with Cameron. I have resided that if I can’t get pregnant again I can be okay with that. It is not my plan but God’s plan for my family.
God always has a plan for us. He puts us in the right place at the right time. God heals our hearts. I know He healed mine. He heard me begging and pleading to Him with tears in my eyes every time I had to get blood work done, an ultrasound, and treatment.
God will heal you!
He gave you your amazing talents. He brought Tony to you for a reason. He gave you strength to leave your old job and dive into your business.
You are a remarkable person and I’m grateful that I know you!ReplyCancel
Podcast Ep 15 – How many choices do you make a day? | Flourish Academy - […] Maura’s (very vulnerable) Blog Post about not being a mom: http://picsbychicksphotography.com/why-dont-you-have-children-the-struggle-of-not-being-a-mother/ […]ReplyCancel

March 8, 2018

Eye Opening

I always consider it an honor when a client comes back to me for another session. I adore sharing these times with the most amazing women this world has ever seen! Sometimes my sessions are my client’s annual pick me up, a constant reminder of how fabulous they are! I enjoy getting to remind them of that, and I love getting them to see themselves through my mirror! This beautiful woman had her second shoot with me, will be participating in my group shoot in September, then will be coming next year for her 3rd session to celebrate how fabulous she is at 30 years old! Bring it on!

Here’s what she had to say after her second session:

1) Why did you decide to invest in a boudoir photo shoot? I’ve had a session with Maura previously.. I was dying to get back in front of her camera!! Plus is there really any better way to spend your birthday?! I think not!

2) How did you feel about yourself before your photo shoot? Not good.. Been helping immediately family members deal with some health issues, traveling a lot for work & top that off with getting back into the dating life.. BLAH!

3) How did you feel about yourself after your photo shoot? Amazing, stunning, confident, amazing, sexy, awesome, amazing, unstoppable.. did I mention amazing?!

4) Describe your session in 3 words? Awesome Eye opening (even more so than 1st session) Loving

5) What was your favorite part of the boudoir photo shoot? #mauramagic no matter what’s going on outside in normal life.. she welcomes you into her home & her heart.. makes you feel amazing & pampers you, although sometimes painful poses, the confidence & feeling you get leaving her is a-mazing!

6) What would you say to other women who are considering a boudoir photo shoot? DO IT!!!! You won’t regret it!! Worth EVERY penny!! & then some!!!

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March 5, 2018

A Photo Shoot Tribute to My Mom

I’ve done a few live shoots in my private Facebook group in the last few years. As much as they exhaust me, I love getting to share the experience with the ladies in my group. If you want to join the group, the button to join is below.

This gorgeous woman has been a part of my group for a long time and I knew she’s wanted to have the boudoir experience. She wanted to do the live shoot and emailed me about her struggles being a single parent. At that moment I began to reflect on my mother.

My parents divorced when I was 13 years old. We moved out of the only house I’d known and went first to a hotel, then stayed with my aunt until my mom found a house to rent for my sisters and me. I watched her try to work things out with my dad but was always disappointed. It was a strange time for me. But, looking back now, it was an even stranger time for her.

She worked hard for us. She worked so hard that she was able to purchase a house on her own. She provided for us in ways I didn’t even realize while I was a teenager, but as an adult I see what she did for us. This is a woman who was brave enough to leave a situation that was no longer good for her (there’s so much more behind the curtain than you know), take her 3 girls with her, and face life’s challenges alone. It sounds strange, but each day during high school, I would go into her purse to get money for lunch. There was always money there for my lunch. Always. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for her to pull it together for us.

I love my mom, she’s an amazing woman. She was a strict parent, and we make fun of the way she parented us now….but, she’s raised some amazing women and my success is her success. She has always been there, knows what I’m struggling with before I even speak, and will be at my side at a minutes notice.

She deserved to be loved and treated as a queen, because she is worthy of it. It pains me to think about the challenges she went through, the way I treated her as a teenager, and a wish that I could change the past. I do realize that she was a parent, not a friend – it was her job to mold us and shape us. I can happily say now that my mom is one of my best friends.

She’s been by my side with everything. She talked with me on the phone for hours after I went away to college, she helped heal my broken heart, she moved me to NJ after college and almost crossed the George Washington Bridge into NYC (yikes for her), she spoiled me by sending me packages from home, she welcomed me back with open arms when I decided to come back to Pittsburgh, she knows my needs before I know, she knows my heart better than I do, she feels my pain and agonizes that she can’t take it away. She also says the craziest and funniest things you’ve ever heard – so much so that I keep a note of all the things she says so that we can remember those times forever! And, when she has a glass of wine, GET READY!

I cherish my mother. She gives her love so freely. She sensitive. She wants to be included. She wants to feel accepted. She gives everything she can. This woman is someone who inspires me. Who’s been through some things in life that I can’t even imagine, who showed me love in the way I needed it at any moment, who wants only the best for her girls, who worries about us, who supports us in all our endeavors, and will hold our hand or give us a hug when we need comfort. I can’t tell her enough how much I love her, how much I wish I could change what she went through in her life, but knowing that those experiences have created her into this amazingly wonderful woman who I look up to and inspire to be.

So back to when this client emailed me, I decided that I needed to do something for her as a tribute to my mom. I so wish that when my mom was struggling to take care of 3 kids, run a house, and work a full time job that someone would have given her a day that was just about her. No distractions, no worrying, no caring about what’s going on in the world, no responsibility – all her, all day! Because as women, we deserve a day that’s just for us, we deserve to FEEL beautiful, we deserve to treat ourselves. We need to recognize the amazing women that we are, we need to see ourselves through someone else’s eyes, we need to see what we didn’t know was in us or even forgot was there, we need to know that we are more than just how we look. There is so much depth and wonder to be found in your soul when you release all that’s been holding you back and embrace the woman you are!

And, the session was nothing short of amazing. Kelli is a wonderful woman who helps anyone she can. She’s got a smile like no other, and she said she wanted feature her smile in her images. Her wish is my command. She also did just cut her hair and I was excited to showcase yet another beauty with short hair.

Enjoy some photos from her session.

And, thanks mom for all you’ve done and continue to do for me! <3

That booty though…..I’m obsessed!

Well, I love this new light I’m using. I love all the lines of light that are created on the wall. It gives this a very moody vibe – kind of like the movie 9 1/2 weeks!

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Think No More

Liberating

Why Don’t You Have Children?

Eye Opening

A Photo Shoot Tribute to My Mom

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