Stop diminishing yourself!
During a session recently, my client kept saying good things about herself and then she would brush off what she said by elaborating that she’s not THAT good at these things.
The first time I heard her do this, I let it slide. I’ve been known to do this myself as part of my humor. Then I heard her do it again. And again. And again.
The first time, you can joke around. To say it repeatedly, no way! Coach Maura had to step in!
After the 5th time I witnessed her doing this, I said, “STOP DIMINISHING YOURSELF!” I went on to tell her what I observed – every time she says she’s good at something or is proud of something she accomplished, she immediately dismisses the achievement. She downplays her capabilities. She brushes off the amazing accomplishments, she scoffs at what she’s worked hard for, she rejects the efforts made outside her comfort zone.
All the things that make her special and unique, she denies.
Yes, she’ll admit it at first, but then she brushes it off.
She negates herself.
She diminishes what she’s done.
When she does that, she’s sending herself the message that she’s not that good, she shouldn’t boast, people are going to think she’s cocky, she needs to be quiet, she should play smaller in life.
This robs her of all the joy she feels about what she’s done in her life!
This steals her self esteem.
She might not realize it at first, but the messages she’s sending subconsciously are loud and clear.
I asked her why she downplays herself.
She said she didn’t want people to think she was conceited.
First, what does it matter what other people think?
Do they know how hard you worked?
Do they know the challenges you faced in becoming the woman you are today?
Do they know how much you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone?
Do they know what it takes to live your life day in and day out?
But, you give what others think so much weight to your confidence that you will change how you speak to and think about yourself. Unfortunately, you are your own worst critic so this doesn’t boost your self esteem, it just tears it down. What others think has no business taking up your mental space!
If you want the world to see your accomplishments, you have to own them first! YOU are the gateway in seeing yourself completely with love and acceptance. No one is going to recognize you without you first saying “Here’s what I did.”
Your internal thought patterns are the first thing that need an adjustment.
You are building your confidence, your strength, your abilities and that is a worthwhile endeavor.
When it comes down to it, if you would celebrate someone else or cheer another on for the same thing you have done, then you should stand up and applaud for yourself!!
You learned Pilates? “HELL YES”
You wrote a book? “YOU ARE BADASS”
You are a nurse? “KUDOS”
You survived the day? “ALL PROPS TO YOU”
You may respond, “it’s not that big a deal,” and I will say, “YES IT IS!”
When you lessen your efforts, you become a detriment to yourself.
You damage your self esteem.
Instead of building your confidence, you are burning it down.
Stand on the pedestal, loud and proud, of the powerful woman you are, and recognize all that you have achieved!
Second, I want you to understand that confidence and conceit are NOT the same thing.
Conceited individuals have an excessively favorable opinion of their abilities and their importance, even to the detriment of others. Conceit means that there are winners and losers, and those conceited individuals are always the winners. The biggest things I’ve seen in conceited people is that they constantly criticize other people and they focus only on themselves.
Conceit can NEVER be associated with confidence.
Confident individuals don’t need to put others down to feel good about themselves, they are comfortable with who they are, they focus more on others because they want others to feel good.
Conceit and cocky do not exist in my world when it comes to YOU.
Honor those things about yourself that you might constantly downplay to others.
STOP telling yourself that the things you do don’t matter or that it’s not that big a deal or that others will think you are better than them.
Show yourself some respect by acknowledging who you are, what you’ve achieved, how far you’ve come.
From the littlest thing to the biggest thing in your life – you are worth those accolades.
You are a strong badass woman forging ahead in life and making a path of her own!