Stephanie is a woman who gives her all to everything.  Her boudoir session with me is one that I will remember forever.  When she arrived for her shoot, I could immediately tell something was wrong.  At that moment, I knew my job wasn’t as her photographer – it was to be a friend with a listening ear.  I wanted to be sure she knew that she was seen and heard.  I knew the shoot was going to be awesome for her – a time just to release everything and focus on herself.  But, first, I knew I needed to get the bottom of what she was feeling.  I was so glad that she could open up to me.

The same thing happened when she came back for her viewing.  The photos became secondary and we talked about what she was struggling with.  My only priority is my clients, and I hope that Stephanie knows I will always be here to love and support her.

Why did I choose her for this group session?  She’s a phoenix rising from the ashes.  I knew she could benefit from standing with other women who could support her in times of trouble.  She can rely on others to lift her up when she feels down.  She needed this.

Read below to hear what she had to say about the group session!

“Soul on fire”….
My story is not an easy one to tell. I spent most of my adult life in abusive relationships. My daughters father was the first after leaving him when my daughter was only 13 months old I found myself a broken single mother trying to be the best I could be to show my daughter how to be strong. When my daughter was 6 years old she was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder and Undetermined Mood Disorder. I spent many years fighting and being her advocate so she could receive the treatment she needed. Through therapy she started doing better and eventually life seemed to go back to normal until 2 years ago when my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. She only had to fight her battle for a short 16 days but it definitely took a toll on my daughter.

My mom was her best friend. Since that day Alexis started to have issues and over the past two years her aggression has become much worse. For whatever reason she blames me for most of her troubles. A few months ago she decided she wanted to live with her father. She started fighting with me daily calling me names and telling me to kill myself and even calling CYS and accusing me of abusing her. I decided to allow her to go to her father’s for my own sanity. Since then things have gotten worse. I know that my daughter is not safe but she refused to come home.

 I have suffered for a very long time blaming myself for what’s happening. Thinking that I was a terrible mom and now blaming myself for not protecting her even though most of the time I have no idea what’s going on in her life.
I am using “Soul on Fire” as my starting point, my fresh start. I am a good hearted person, I care about everyone, I put others before myself and I am learning that it is okay to take care of me. I pour all my love into everyone, my family (who by the way no longer speaks to me), men who treat me like garbage, my friends who are never there, my daughter and anyone else that crosses my path. I am learning to take some of that energy I give to so many people and use it on myself.

Everytime I look at the photos from our “Soul on Fire” shoot I’ll remind myself that it’s ok to take time for me. That it’s okay to love me because who’s going to do it the way I can.

Twice a year I have a group photo session with some remarkable women that I’ve had the pleasure of working with during their individual boudoir sessions.  Each session has a theme that I want to evoke, and as I was thinking about what I wanted to call this second group shoot of the year, I immediately came up with…

Souls On Fire 

What does that mean?  Quite simply, we’re burning the past, turning away from the negative things we’ve said and done – to ourselves and others – walking away from the woman we pretend to be, the woman who puts herself last, the woman who can’t see her real self – burning fire to that person … and stepping in, confidently, to this new woman.

A woman who is strong and brave and powerful.  A woman who can confidently proclaim who she is, a woman who knows that the past is the past – it doesn’t define who she is.  Each day she gets to decide who she wants to be, and doesn’t need anyone else’s approval to do so.  She makes a choice to be her true unique self and let that woman shine each and every day.  Knowing that she chooses HERSELF above all others and gives herself permission to be unapologetic about who she is!

As I’ve been working with women all these years, I see a trend.  It appears that we are holding ourselves prisoner to the past, we have guilt and shame about the things we’ve done, we hate ourselves for what we’ve said to ourselves, how we’ve treated ourselves throughout the years, the neglect that we’ve shown to the person that should matter the most.  All the things that have happened to us, what we’ve watched go on in the world around us, the hard things that life likes to throw our way.  None of it matters at this moment.  You can forgive yourself, walk away from your past and become this confident woman who is just waiting to come out and shine.

We’re all on the same journey, a path we’re walking down together.  We’ve all done these things, said what we said, didn’t feel good enough, struggle daily to love yourself as you are, constantly negative talk yourself, always thinking we need to change ourselves to be loved and accepted, stifling yourself for fear of being rejected, never seeing the beauty that each of us carries inside.  These 5 women, with fiery souls, came together to show you that the journey is shared between us all – we support each other and lift one other up.  There is power in this kind of support.  You see that you aren’t alone, that you can face down your fear, that you can challenge your status quo, and – most importantly – see that when you are supported by other women, it makes the journey and change you wish to make much easier to deal with.    

As we walked through this shoot, I told them to imagine they are leaving a trail of fire behind them, burning who they once were, and stepping into their power.  We ALL have this power inside us.  This power that helps us stand up and say that we are enough just as we are in this moment.  Never, ever, sacrificing who we are for another person.  Never needing anyone else’s approval, as someone else’s opinion of your life and your decisions holds no barring on you.  Others don’t know what happens behind the doors, behind the facade that you put up so they think all is OK, when you say you’re fine but you really aren’t, when no one is around, when no one is looking behind the mirror.  There’s only one person you need approval from – YOU!

We’re all working on finding ourselves.  We’ve hid for so long that we sometimes feel like we don’t know who we truly are anymore.  We have all those roles in life (wife, mother, daughter, sister, entrepreneur, career woman, etc) that we get lost, and we always seem to forget that the deepest relationship you have – the person we need to know the most – is you.   Most of the times we have an idea of how our life is supposed to be, and resentment, anger and disappointment set in when life doesn’t conform to your ideal.  When you are looking around at all the places you *think* your life should be, all the achievements you should have, or at all the material possessions you wish you had, you miss what is right in front of you, waiting for you!!!!  Let go of those expectations and live the life you have.  It’s the only one you’ve got, so make it the best.

These women are standing up for you! Giving you a voice, being a spokesperson for those of you that don’t think you have a voice.  I encourage you today, and every day, to stand strong and confident in the woman you are.  Be true to yourself.  Go after everything you want.  Know that you are worthy.  Stare fear in the face.  Believe you are bigger than your self doubt.  Battle for what you know is right.  Follow your soul’s calling.  Show the world that you can be and do anything you want.  Most importantly….

Be A Soul On Fire!

Throughout the next few weeks I will be doing a blog feature on each of these fabulous women.  Those posts will contain their individual photos from our group session and they will share in their own words what this means to them.

If you’d like to join my boudoir and self love group, click here.